


The Devil's Love Curse

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, SebaCiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 12:16:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 31
Words: 21,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4705688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel Phantomhive had once lived an easy life as part of the upper class, but one day all that he loved was taken away, and he was sent spiraling down into hell. Now, after he has hit rock bottom, he tells his story to a concerned psychiatrist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with depression, self-harm, rape, and under age sex. Please be careful if you are triggered by these things.  
> Also, if I have left any triggering content out of this list, please let me know.

The sound of a heavy door opening echoes throughout the room followed by a few loud footsteps and the screech of a metal chair being pulled across tile flooring. I don't see anything; I don't dare open my eye to look. Looking will make it real.

"So, Mr." there's a pause, "Phantomhive, do you know why you're here." The voice sounds feminine. I don't answer. I curl my body up into a ball as I sit on the cold metal chair. I squeeze my eye shut even tighter, so the tears can't escape, but it doesn't work; I can feel a few tears that had escaped and are now running down my cheek.

"Mr. Phantomhive," it's the same female voice as before. "may I call you Ciel?" She pauses. "Ciel, I need you to talk to me, do you know why you are here?" I continue my silence. Of course I know why I'm here. No matter how hard I try, I can never forget. How can I? I lift my head and wipe away the tears as I open my eye.

"You want me to talk?" My voice is cold, and I sound distant. "Why would you even care? No one cares about me, not the real me." My voice trails off as the tears start to come once more. "Sebastian, why?" I give up on trying to hold back my emotions.

"Ciel, who is Sebastian?" The woman leaned forward and grabbed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

"That's a long story." I say a bit hesitantly. The woman gave me a comforting smile.

"We've got plenty of time."

"Sebastian was like my care taker, but he was more than that." I smirk. "This will sound a bit weird, but I had summoned him, sold my soul to him." I lift my hand up to where my right eye should be. "He saved my life in the beginning."


	2. Chapter 2

If there is such a thing as a God, then why is he letting this happen to me? Tears spill out of my eyes as the pain continues. They won't stop. They group of perverts won't stop. I scream as they take turns hitting me, grabbing me, and inserting their dicks into me.

"Please stop! Oh please, God, somebody help me!" I continues to scream and cry.

" 'Aye, someone shut the brat up." One of the men shouts.

"Yes, his snotty crying is not beautiful at all." A blonde man says as he watches. Druitt. I glare at him; I should have known that getting involved with that guy would have ended bad, but I genuinely thought he was my friend.

"Okay, boss!" Another man snickers. My eyes widen as I realize what he will do. He laughs as she shoves his dick into my mouth. I try to resist, but it's no use. As a last resort to retaliate, I bit down as hard as I can. The man jumps back, but not before a bit of cum gets into my mouth. Disgusted, I cough and spit it out as best I can.

"Damn brat." He kicks my head with extreme force and continues to beat me. My mind grows fuzzy as things continue, and I start mumbling what sounds like incomprehensible gibberish.

"The hell?" One guy smacks me. "Shut up, you brat." I look at him with cold eyes, and suddenly the place goes dark, and I can sense nothing.

"My, my," a mysterious and sexy voice echoes around me, "you're a bit younger than the usual." I can hear the person smirk.

"Who are you" I call out.

"I am who ever you want me to be."

"Is that so?" I say back, a bit intrigued.

"Yes, you summoned me."

I did?" I don't really remember how I did that. "Well the, I'll call you Sebastian, Sebastian Michaelis."

"As you wish, but may I ask why?" Now it is my turn to smirk.

"That was the name of my dog." I can hear a small irritated grunt. "I want you to help me get revenge and regain my pride!" I shout, making my wishes known.

"In bargain for your soul?"

"Yes."

"As you wish, my Lord."

My senses return, and I feel the men being removed from me. All I can see is falling black feathers that seem to surround me. I can hear the screams of the men and the sounds of their insides being ripped out.

"Oh, God, what is this magnificent chaos!" I hear Druitt shout just before his blood curdling last screams. I can hear blood, and other bodily fluids and insides, splatter onto the floor.

"I believe that was the last one." Sebastian calls out. I pick up my clothes and put them back on.

"Burn it down."

"Yes, my Lord."

Sebastian scoops me up into his arms, and I grab a hold of him. Together, Sebastian walks out of the house we had been in. I look back over his shoulder as the house bursts into flames, illuminating the night.

"Thank you." I say quietly as I look up at his face. His lips turn up into a small smile. Sebastian has a nice smile. I examine his features further. He has intriguing red eyes that seem to radiate chaos; his features are inhumanly beautiful, and his hair is a bit long and as black as a night with no moon. I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. He smells quite nice, almost intoxicating even. I close my eyes and bury my head into his chest. This beautiful man is a demon, my savior, and he now belongs to me.

"Young master," Sebastian says as he sets me down.

"Ciel," I correct him, "my name is Ciel Phantomhive."

"Ciel, it's late, we need to get home." I look at him.

"That may be a problem." I let out a frustrated sigh as I grasp my head.

"What do you mean by that?" He looks at me questioningly.

"Well, last week, while I was away, my house burned down, and my parents died in the fire, and up until just now, I had been living with a friend, that Druitt guy you killed." I shutter. "Who would have thought that he was really like that." Tears rise in my eyes.

"So, I need to find us a place?" Sebastian asks.

"Yes." I smile at him, but I"m sure the smile is obviously fake. A few tears spill out, but he wipes them away.

"Alright." He sighs. Sebastian picks me back up, but this time piggy-back style. "Hold on." He says as he starts to run into town.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ciel?" The woman's voice is full of worry.

"Yes, uh," I look at her, a bit confused. What's her name?

"Oh, sorry," she looks a bit flustered, "you can call me Dr.Sullivan."

"Okay." I nod.

"Are you okay with talking about this?" She looks at me with caution.

"Yes." I reply, unsure why she had asked.

"Okay," she breaths out heavily for a moment, "shall we continue?" I take a deep breath and nod.

"Sebastian had found an apartment for us to live in." I tell her as the memories start to play in my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian carries me up the steps to our new apartment. He had said that he had taken care of furnishing the place. I yawn and snuggle closer into his embrace. It has been a long night, and all I want to do is sleep and forget all the awful things.

"Young master, " Sebastian stops in front of a door and sets me down, "this is it."

He takes a set of keys out and of his pocket and unlocks the door. He opens it, and we walk inside.

"Thank you, Sebastian." I yawn once more.

"Well, if I can't do this, then what kind of care taker would I be?" He smirks. "I believe it's time for you to retire for the night." I nod, and he gently grabs my shoulders and guides me to my new room.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ciel, you're sweating." Dr. Sullivan says. "Is it to hot?" I look up at her and shake my head.

"No, sorry, this is fine." My breathing is a bit shaky, and my palms are clammy.

"Well, describe the apartment for me." She says as she writes something down on her clip board.

"Okay," I wipe my palms on my jeans a few times. She must want to distract me from Sebastian for a moment. "Well, when you first walk into the door, you enter the living room, and to the right, you have the kitchen, but to the left, you have a small hall with the bathroom and two bed rooms. That's all there was to it." I look up at the ceiling as I try to remember if I forgot anything.

"Is there anything else?" Dr, Sullivan asks. "What floor was this apartment on?"

"The second."

"Any neighbors?"

"Yes," I smile remembering them, "across the hall there's this guy, Finny. He's always happy and full of energy."

"Did you have anyone living on either side of you?"

"Yes," I nod, "to the left is Mei-Rin, and to the right is Bard; they're quite lively."


	6. Chapter 6

I shuffle into the kitchen, still half asleep.

"Sebastian, what's for breakfast?" I rub my eyes.

"I have prepared chocolate chip pancakes and eggs." Sebastian sets my plate and the can of whipped cream down on the counter. I gradually climb into the bar stool. My stomach growls as I apply the whipped cream and pick up my fork to start eating. As I eat, I can hear he sounds of someone knocking on doors and muffled shouting.

"Our neighbors are a bit lively." I grumble between bites.

"It appears so." Sebastian chuckles as he leans against the stove. A moment later, there's a knock on the door. I look up at Sebastian.

"I'll get that." He pushes himself off the stove and heads to the door.

"Are you the new tenants?" I can hear an excited voice shout.

"Calm down, Finny, no need to scare 'em." Another more masculine voice says.

"Sorry." It's the first voice. Slightly irritated, I place my fork down and get off the stool to go see who is at the door.

"Why hello there." A woman with huge circle glasses and red-violet hair smiles at me when I come into eyesight.

"Hello." I say, adjusting my hair, so that it covers my right eye, the eye with the pentagram symbolizing my contract with Sebastian.

"Is this young lad your son?" The man with the more masculine voice asks looking at me and then at Sebastian. He has short, dark blonde hair, and he's got a cigarette hanging in his mouth.

"Don't be ridiculous, this boy looks like he's thirteen, and this man," the woman averts her gaze to Sebastian.

"Sebastian." He introduces himself. The woman nods.

"Right, Sebastian here looks maybe twenty-five."

"So, brothers?" The one, who I assume is Finny asks. He looks a me and smiles. "You guys are brothers, right?" I smirk. Sebastian, my brother? The thought is like a joke to me.

"No, we aren't brothers." I say, holding back my laughter. Sebastian turns back and looks at me. He has a slight smile on his face, almost as if he is teasing me. Finny, the woman, and the other man look at me as well with curious eyes.

"Well, I guess we should introduce ourselves." The man says. "I'm Bard." He smiles.

"Mei-Rin." The woman smiles as well.

"And I'm Finny!" I put on my polite face.

"My name is Ciel." I turn to Sebastian.

"I'm Sebastian." He smiles at the three in our door way.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got breakfast waiting on me." I wave good-bye and head back into the kitchen.

"It was nice meeting you!" Finny shouts. After that, there's a chorus of byes, and shortly afterward, Sebastian shut the door and returns to the kitchen.

"What?" I glare at him. That bastard looks at me with a smirk and just bursts out laughing.

"You had put on quite the act." He continues to laugh. "You play the part of polite, adorable boy very well." He walks over to me and gently brushes his hand against mine. I look up at him and our eyes meet.

"Shut up." I say as I look away, blushing. Sebastian snickers and walks into the living room.


	7. Chapter 7

"Your neighbors sound nice." Dr. Sullivan smiles at me.

"They mean well." I sigh. I hadn't realized before how much I miss them; it has been a while since I have left my apartment, and after a while, they stopped trying to check up on me.

"So, about this Sebastian," Dr. Sullivan takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand who he is to you."

"What do you not understand?" I ask, my voice a bit shaky.

"Well, you said you summoned him, it's like you believe he is a demon or something." Does she not believe me?

"He is; I summoned him; he's my demon servant!" I shout defensively. "I'm telling the truth!" Tears spill from my eye. I should have never spoken up.

"Okay, okay, calm down." Dr. Sullivan pats the air in front of her down with both hands. "I believe you."

"Do you really?" I don't believe her.

"I really do, Ciel." She smiles at me.

"Okay." I say quietly and look away from her.

"Would you like to continue?" I take a deep breath and nod.

"Okay, Ciel, you can start when ever you like." Dr. Sullivan smiles again. "Tell me, do you have any friends?" I keep my eyes on the floor.

"There were a few people. I guess you could call them friends." I think back to that day Sebastian had thrown a welcoming party for us. All those people from the apartment building showed up.


	8. Chapter 8

"Something's missing." I say as I tap my chin and examine my reflection in the mirror. I'm wearing black jeans and a blue tee-shirt with a dark grey vest; my eye patch is over my right eye, and my hair is styled to cover it.

"Young master," Sebastian calls out as he comes in. "wear this." He puts a black and blue checkered beanie on my head.

"Thanks." I mumble as I look up at him. He is dressed just like me, but his tee-shirt is red, and he isn't wearing a hat. Sebastian smirks as he watches me.

"We can start expecting people soon, and you need to remember to be the polite little boy." He pats my head.

"I know, I know." I sigh. "Would you stop that?!" I swat away his hand. Sebastian chuckles and walks out.

"Bloody demon." I mumble under my breath. I don't really care if he can still hear me or not; whether I offen him or not is really none of my concern. The shrill of the door bell echoes through out the apartment, disrupting my train of thought.

"Welcome." I hear Sebastian greet the first of the guests. I walk out of the bathroom and down the hall to where they stand. There's a man with neat, dark hair and glasses, and in tow is what appears to be either a feminine man, or a very masculine woman with long bright red hair, and red glasses. Both are wearing in formal suits.

"Hi!~♥" The red headed one is very excited. "My name is Grell." The other one sighs.

"I'm Willima, you might know me as the land lord, Mr. Spears." He looks at Grell, dissaproval clear on his face. "Sorry for this one. Grell is my cousin."

"Well, we're glad you could make it." Sebastian smiles. "My name is Sebastian." He turns and looks at me.

"I'm Ciel." I throw on a friendly smile.

"You're cute." Grell says, seemingly unimpressed.

"Behave yourself." William scolds. Sebastian steps aside and leads them to the living room.

"We'll be gathering here." He smiles. Just before I can close the door, to more people dressed just like William show up.

"Hey, we're here." The smaller one calls out. He has slightly long caramel hair and very thin glasses.

"I'm Alan, and this is Eric." He points to the other one who is slightly taller. Eric's hair is styled in what appears to be a half shave, with his remaining long hair bleached and swept to the side; he also has glasses like Alan's. Eric waves his hand in a small greeting.

"I'm Ciel." I smile at them. "William and Grell are already here." I point towards the living room. Alan nods and walks in with Eric following close behind. After they enter the loving room, I decide to just keep the door open and sit by it to greet the guests as they come. After what feels like an eternity, more people come to the door. 

"Well aren't you just the cutest thing!" a cute girl with long, curly, blonde pigtails squeals. Her pink, lace dress looks good on her.

"Oh, Lizzy, cute doesn't describe him well enough." A boy with light blue eyes and pale blonde hair smirks. This boy is wearing a purple and green plaid button down flannel shirt and black skinny jeans that compliments his legs quite well. He looks at me with a half grin. "I'm Alois Trancy, and this girl is Elizabeth." As he talks, I can't help but notice some kind of tattoo on his tongue. He looks at me, slightly annoyed; he must have noticed. I look away from his stare. 

"My name is Ciel." Elizabeth claps her hands together and grins.

"Hello, Ciel, oh and you can just call me Lizzy." She grins. 

"Okay, Lizzy." I smile.

"Oh, is Claude coming?" Lizzy turns to Alois. He tenses up a bit.

"The hell should I know?" He shrugs.

"Who's Claude?" I ask, confused. 

"Claude is like my father but not." Alois answers. "That bastard will probably come though." His voice sounds a bit distant.

"Okay." Lizzy looks back at me.

"Um, everyone is gathered there." I point to the living room.

"I think I'd rather stay here." Alois smiles mischievously. Lizzy nods. 

"I'll go in myself then." She waves and walks into the living room. Alois sits criss-cross on the ground next to me.

"So, Ciel." he examines me for a moment. 

"Yeah?" I look at him. He bounces his thin, long legs, and his knee hits me as he does so.

"Ciel!" I can hear Finny shout before I even see him come through the door with Mei-Rin and Bard following behind. 

"Hello." I smile at them. "Sebastian is in the living room." I point in that general direction.

"Thanks!" They all say in unison as they join the rest of the small crowd. 

"So, who's Sebastian?" Alois asks.

"Just my, uh," I pause. How am I supposed to introduce Sebastian?

"Ah, thought so." Alois smirks. "Claude and I are the same way."

"Excuse me?" I'm not sure what he's talking about.

"You summoned him didn't you?" I look at him in confusion. Alois sighs and sticks out his tongue, revealing his tattoo; only, it isn't a tattoo. It's more like a symbol similar to the one on my right eye.

"How did you-"

"Your eye patch." Alois cuts me off. "It was a wild guess. You noticed my mark, and not many people wear an eye patch, and your reactions helped give it away." I nod, accepting his answer.

"So, what about it?"

"If you don't want your relationship with him to seem so suspicious, you need to establish how you introduce him to others." Alois smiles. "I introduce Claude as a type of father figure."

"Well, Sebastian looks too young for that, and we already shot down being brothers." I sighed.

"Then maybe a cousin?" Alois looks up as if he's thinking. "Oh well, not problem." He sticks out is tongue, teasing me.

"I'll figure something out." I sigh and look away from him. 

"I hope you do; I'm going to have fun with you." He giggles.

"What do you mean by that?" I look at him, confused. 

"My, my, what a cute display." A raspy voice coos. I turn to look at the door where a man dressed in all black stands. He has long, wild silver hair and a scar on his mostly covered face.

"Hello, Undertaker!" Alois grins. I look at the both of them. 

"Undertaker?" I ask. The man cackles.

"Ah, yes." He grins. "That is what I call myself." He steps in and caresses my face. "You have a lovely appearance. I'd love to put you in a coffin." He laughs and walks into the living room. 

"What just happened?" I ask, a little freaked out. Alois laughs.

"He's a mortician," he shakes his head, "and is damn proud of it."

"Okay." I nod, still not fully understanding.

"Is this the place?" Another guest. I look up to see a Chinese man with a girl, wearing very little clothes, clinging to him. 

"Um, who are you?" I ask.

"I'm Lau, and this is Ran-Mau." He smiles. 

"Oh, okay." I nod. "I'm Ciel. Are you here for that little house warming party?"

"Of course, of course." A very gaudy woman dressed in a fancy red evening dress comes up behind Lau. "You're the little Phantomhive boy?" She looks at me questioningly. 

"He sure is!" Alois grins and puts his chin on my shoulder. "It's lovely seeing you sober, Madame Red." She glares at him.

"And it's nice to see you without that bloody awful pedophile you live with." She smirks. Alois lets out an irritated grunt. "Now, now, little Phantomhive boy."

"Ciel." I correct her.

"Right," she nods, "any-who, welcome to the building and all." She displays an overly fake smile before heading into the living room, where all the noise is coming from. Lau waves and follows her with Ran-Mau following close behind, like a pet.

"Ugh, they're disgusting." Alois sigh. I look at him but decide not to question.

"Hi! ~♥" Another guy dressed like William shows up at the door. He's smiling and holding up a peace sign with his left hand. "I'm Ronald."

"Ciel." I smile. "Welcome. Most everyone is in the living room." He smiles at me and nods.

"Thanks." He pats the top of my head as he walks into the living room. 

"Well aren't you just the cutest." Alois lets out an irritated sigh.

"Excuse me?" I face him with my left eyebrow raised.

"You're obviously going to be the new favorite around here, at least for a little while." He rolls his eyes. I smirk.

"Sounds like someone's jealous." He lightly hits my arm. 

"I am not!" I laugh at him.

"Sure." Alois must have been the 'favorite'. He hits me again. 

"Behave yourself." A man says as he walks through the door. He has glasses over his golden eyes, and he somewhat resembles Sebastian.

"Claude." Alois folds his arms and looks away. 

"You must be Ciel Phantomhive." The man, Claude, steps close to me and takes a deep breath. "Ah, yes. What a lovely meal you will make," He sighs longingly.

"I thought I had heard the scurrying of a little spider." Sebastian comes and grabs my arm, pulling me into him. "Stay away from my master." He glares at Claude and Alois.

"Now, now, I mean no harm." Claude steps back holding his hands up in a surrender. Sebastian wraps his arms around me. Alois, looking very upset ad disinterested, takes Claude's hand and pulls him into the living room.

"I'm bored of this." Alois says, glancing back at me as he leaves, a hint of envy in his eyes. Sebastian drops his arms and steps back.

"Be careful around those two." His eyes flare.

"Okay." I reply, not entirely sure what just happened. 

"We should both go join the party." He says, guiding me into the living room. I don't say anything.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ciel," Dr. Sullivan calls out, yanking me out of my memory, "what was your relationship with Sebastian like at this time?" I look at her with an almost blank expression. How do I go about explaining this?

"Well, he uh..." I begin to feel a bit flustered, "well, because of the circumstances and all, he was my servant." She nods.

"I get that part, but there's more to the story here." My cheeks begin to heat up. 

"Well, uh..." I start to respond. Dr. Sullivan writes something down. "Well you see, I think it'll be easier for me to tell you what happened and let you infer the feelings." She nods. 

"Okay, tell me then."

"Well up until the party, things were normal, weird, but normal; there was some casual flirting, but I had just shrugged it off as his personality. But, a couple of weeks after the party..."


	10. Chapter 10

"It's two a.m., and I can't sleep." I mumble to myself as I stare up at the ceiling. The room is mostly dark, save the slivers of moon light seeping through the blinds. I toss over onto my side and look though the near blackness of my room.

I want to go see Sebastian. I sigh. What am I even thinking? Sebastian doesn't have feelings for me. At least not the ones I want him to have. I feel flustered just thinking about all of this. I run my fingers though my hair and clutch my head. I need to extinguish these feelings I have for that damn demon. I let out a frustrated sigh and got out of bed, my over sized tee-shirt falling to my knees as I stand. Almost mechanically, my legs carry me out of my room and to Sebastian's closed door. What am I doing? My hand hesitantly reaches up to knock, but I stop myself. What do I want to happen, and what do I think will happen? A storm of images of Sebastian in various states blow through my mind. Sebastian and his devilishly handsome features is all I can think of. My cheeks heat up, and I am no doubt blushing.

Just as I decide to knock for real this time, the door opens to reveal Sebastian looking at me, and he seems a bit worried. 

"Is everything alright?" He asks. I don't answer. It feels like my entire body is bright red, and I can't look away. Sebastian is standing here completely naked, and, sweet damn, he did not disappoint! I'm sure he notices my reaction because I can hear him start to laugh.

"I, uh, I can't sleep." I say, looking away. My heart is pounding and I'm feeling all of these things I've never felt before. Sebastian chuckles and pulls me into his room, shutting the door behind me. 

"You can't sleep, so you come to me?" He sits down on his bed and pulls me up next to him.

"Um, yeah." I answer sheepishly. Sebastian pats my shoulder.

"That wasn't your wisest choice." He laughs again.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, looking up at his face. 

"I don't plan on letting you sleep." He says. Sebastian brings his face closer to mine and stares into my eyes. His crimson eyes are mesmerizing. His pupils are like slits, and his irises seem to be made lust and flowing blood. I can't look away, but it's not like I want to. Caught up in my own thoughts and delusions, I close the space between us and kiss him. My lips move timidly against his confident ones. Sebastian pulls me closer to him, and I end end up on top of him, but, like lightening, he then flips over, putting me under him. Sebastian pulls his lips away from mine.

"Are you sure about this?" He asks in a teasing tone. 

"Yes!" I gasp. I sound desperate and breathless. Sebastian smirks and runs his hands under my shirt, teasing me, until he rips it off, exposing my frail body in my boxers. He gets a weird grin and pulls those off as well. The heat, once again, rises to my face in embarrassment. Sebastian chuckles.

"You're a bit bashful." He laughs. I avert my eyes to the side. 

"Sh-shut up." I mumble. Sebastian leans down and kisses me again, but this time he bites my lower lip. A moan escapes from my mouth as Sebastian plays with my body. Our forma push against one another, skin contact lingering. Sebastian's kisses start to trail from my lips slowly down my neck and torso. Eventually, his tongue dances around my penis.


	11. Chapter 11

"Okay, okay, I've heard enough!" Dr. Sullivan says. She's a bit flustered, and I can sense her awkwardness. I nod, not entirely sure what to say. Dr. Sullivan pops her fingers and avoids eye contact.

"Did my story make you that uncomfortable?" I ask, a slight teasing tone in my voice.

"I just wasn't expecting that much." She makes a note, and then looks up at me.

"My story is unexpected from beginning to end." My voice is flat, maybe even bored.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is that, with all things considered, I had thought that your feelings for Sebastian were more platonic, and very unrequited."

"Unrequited sounds about right." I say a bit coldly. Dr. Sullivan nods like she understands my position.

"Ciel, is there more to that night? Did something happen after you and Sebastian..." Her voice trails off, but her face tells the rest. She wants to know what happened after we had sex.

"Something happened indeed."


	12. Chapter 12

Sebastian's arms feel warm and comforting, and I snuggle into his embrace. My body is aching and begging for a rest. My mind is in chaos. Sebastian and I had just been more intimate that I have ever thought possible, and I now have all these new thoughts and feelings swarming me. Sebastian lightly kisses the top of my head.

"You're a fun one." He whispers in my ear. His voice is smooth and alluring.

"I love you." I say; I'm so caught up in the moment and my delusions that I'm not fully that I have said it aloud.

"You what?" Sebastian asks, his eyes wide. I can feel the heat rush to my face.

"N-n-nothing." I stammer and hide my face in the pillow. Sebastian sighs and removes his arms from me.

"It's almost time to get up for the day." He gets out of bed.

"You should get some rest, and I'll go prepare for the day." I can hear Sebastian leave the room, shutting the door behind him. I lift my head up from the pillow and look around the room.

"Stupid." I mumble to myself as I sit up. I close my eyes to keep back the impending tears. I grab the pillow and cram it into my face, letting out a frustrated scream. The tears I desperately tried to hold back find their place streaming down my face.

"What have I done?" I say quietly to myself. A sick feeling fills my stomach. I shouldn't have said that; I shouldn't have even come to him. Never have I ever been so full of self loathing. The feeling assaults my mind and all rationality is destroyed. Sebastian doesn't love me, that much is clear, but how much does he care for me? My tears slow to a stop as my mind wanders. An idea circles my mind, and I know that I have to do what ever it takes to find out how much Sebastian cares about me, if he even cares at all. I take my hand and wipe away the tears before getting up to go see Sebastian.

 _'I'm going to confront him.'_ I repeat the phrase over and over in my head as I get up and walk to the door. I take a deep breath.

"I can do this." I whisper to myself. It's just Sebastian. I open the door and slowly step into the dimly lit hall. The sounds of Sebastian in the kitchen find their way to my ears, and I can feel my heart racing in anticipation. I start walking to the kitchen, but when I see Sebastian, I chicken out and run into my room.


	13. Chapter 13

"What happened after that?" Dr. Sullivan curiously asks.

"We fucked passionately and it was happy ever after." Sarcasm poisons my voice as I speak. Dr. Sullivan shakes her head in disapproval, but she doesn't say anything about my comment.

"Ciel," her tone is serious, "I'm here to help you, but I can't help you if you don't help yourself, and this attitude you have isn't going to get you very far." I nod.

"Well, I think it goes with out saying that things were awkward that next day." I pause, hoping she'll interject.

"Yes, I do believe so." She makes another note on her clipboard. "Now, tell me, how did it make you feel when Sebastian reacted the way he did?" Shit. I take back every hope I had of her interjecting.

"Well," I pause, trying to gather my thoughts, "I felt abandoned, betrayed, and used. I felt stupid and childish. I felt awful." The words are coming easier than I thought they would. "I felt like I was in a fucking fan fiction or something."

"In a fan fiction?" Dr. Sullivan raises an eyebrow, but I can see the slight smile on her face. "Would you mind explaining why?"

"The way the whole thing was executed. When I remember it, that whole night just seems so damn stupid and messed up." I can feel tears rising in my eye as I continue. "The more I think about it, the more it feels fake."

"Fake?" She asks. I'm pretty sure she wants an explanation, but I just nod.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I wipe the fresh tears from my eye. "I don't want to talk about my emotions. Can we just move on with the story?"

"Sure." Dr. Sullivan writes something down again. "Lets continue." I try to smile, but it no doubtfully looks forced.

"Well, after a few days, I had finally formed a solid plan..."


	14. Chapter 14

"Ciel," Sebastian calls out as he enters my room "it's time to wake up. Breakfast is ready, and after breakfast, you'll have your bath." I yawn as I sit up and rub my eyes. Today's the day. Today is the day I'll make Sebastian prove how much he cares. Sebastian walks over to me and helps me out of bed. I blush as his hands touch my skin. I don't have to look to know that Sebastian has a stupid smirk on his face.

"Shut up." I mumble. Sebastian's laughter fills the room.

"Looks like my young master is a bit flustered." He pets my head. I angrily swat his hand away.

"I'm not your pet." I look down at my feet. Being Sebastian's pet doesn't sound so bad. My face heats up just thinking about it.

"Ciel?" He steps in front of me and places his hand son my shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I can feel my face getting hotter. Sebastian lifts my head to look me in the eyes.

"Really?" He leans down, putting his face directly in front of mine.

"S-sebastian." Whatever else I want to say is stuck in my throat and soon forgotten as I look into his eyes.

"Yes?" Sebastian raises an eyebrow. My mind is filled with all I want to say to him.

_'I'm pissed at you.'_

_'You're just a shitty demon.'_

_'You're perfect.'_

_'I love you.'_

"Breakfast is getting cold." I step away from him. Really? That's all I can say? I walk out of my room, leaving Sebastian behind. "I'm so stupid." I mumble to myself. I step into the bathroom and close the door. I need to regain my composure.

As I wash my hands, I stare at my reflection. How can I make Sebastian prove how much he cares? I have no idea, but I know I have to do something soon, preferably today.

"Ciel," Sebastian knocks on the door, "is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine." I reply as I open the door. Sebastian looks down at me, but doesn't say anything for a moment.

"For breakfast, I've prepared scones and eggs." He steps to the side, so I can pass him. I don't really feel like saying anything, so I just nod as I walk past him and into the kitchen.

I climb onto the bar stool like usual, and I eat. I can hear Sebastian preparing my bath. I wonder how he'll react if I drown. He'll have to save me because of the contract, so I know I won't actually die, but I can scare him. I take the last bite of my breakfast and then I hop off of the bar stool. I know what I'm going to do to test Sebastian. A smug smirk spreads onto my face as I go to the bathroom.

"Are you ready for your bath?" Sebastian asks. He takes his wet hands and pushes back his hair. This only makes his hair slightly wet, and a few drops of water drips from the hair that falls into his face. I look down at my feet to keep my mind from going places I don't want it to go.

"Yes, I'm ready." I respond. Sebastian stands up and helps me undress. His fingers caress my skin, trailing down my arms and down my legs.

"S-sebastian?" His affection takes me by surprise.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" He smirks.

"No." My voice is barely audible. Sebastian finishes undressing me in silence.

"Ciel?" He lifts my head. Our eyes lock. He closes the space between us and kisses me. He bites my bottom lip and forces his tongue into my mouth, and his tongue dances around mine. He pulls me into his lap.

"Sebastian." I gasp as I jump up and pull away. He looks at me with hungry eyes.

"Yes?" He grabs my arm and pulls me back onto his lap. His fingers glide over my skin.

"Um," All of my thoughts escape my mind. I look down at my hands in my lap. This is bad. This is really bad. "Sebastian..."

I'm cut off by his lips on mine once more. As he kisses me, Sebastian pushes me on to the floor, and he ends up on top. His lust and passion guide his lips forcefully down from my lips to my chin then down my throat and torso. I want to say something. I want to stop him. This is only going to be bad. But I also don't want him to stop. I want him to keep going. I want him.

His tongue slips out from between his lips when he gets to my belly button. His eyes lift up to meet mine, and a devious smirk spread onto his face.

"Poor young master." He says before he goes down to my penis and playfully bites it.

"Sebastian!" I gasp. He laughs and does it again. I squeeze my eyes shut as he does so. It hurts, but I don't want him to stop playing with me. The blood flows into my penis causing it to erect and press against Sebastian's body.

"It's time for your bath." Sebastian chuckles as he stands up. I glare up at him. "Unless you want me to." He eyes my erection. The heat rises to my face as the lust starts to be drown out by the embarrassment and pain.

"Hell no." I sit up awkwardly, not sure how to handle the situation.

"I could just do this." He says as he gently places his hand on my penis. "And then I'll do this." He starts to rub. It doesn't feel unpleasant.

My eyes linger on Sebastian's busy hand for a moment before they trail up and meet his. His crimson eyes flare as he stares at me. His expression scares me. I can't tell what he's thinking.

"Sebastian?" Can I just ask him? He smirks and squeezes my penis. A weird noise escapes my lips.

"Yes?" I can see the smile he's failing to hide. I open my mouth to ask him what's on his mind, but the words don't come out, so I try again.

"Um, I was wondering, um, what..."

"What I was doing?" He raises an eye brow.

"No, that's not what I was going to say."

"Well, I say it's time for a bath, you're a bit sticky." He smirks as he peels off his glove that is now covered in cum. I blush.

"Okay." My voice is small, any tone of confidence or demanding that it would normally have is no longer there. Sebastian helps me up and into the bath. The water that rushes over to soak my body is now on the cold side of lukewarm.

"It would have been warmer earlier." Sebastian states as he grabs a wash cloth and starts to wash me.

"And whose fault is that?" I retort.

"You wanted it just as much, maybe even more." Sebastian smirks.

"Shut up."I glare at him. "It's all your fault, you damn horny demon."

He smiles as he continues to scrub my body thoroughly. The harshness of the cloth rubbing against my skin is weird, but not a totally bad feeling. I close my eyes and let my head fall back to rest on the ledge behind me. After a minute or two, there's a knock on the door.

"I'll be back." Sebastian sighs as he stands up and goes to see who it is. I keep my eyes closed. I can hear the faint sounds of Sebastian's foot steps and then the door opening. I can barely hear the voices though. I sigh. I guess I can just ask Sebastian who it is and what they want when he gets back.

I take a deep breath and start to relax. Now that Sebastian is no longer in here, the sexual tension has gone down significantly. I laugh to myself as I think about it. Sebastian is just having fun and using me. There's no real emotion. I can't let my self believe otherwise. I just want to prove it.

That's it! My plan! I had almost forgotten. I quickly sit up and look around. I have to put my life in danger. Sebastian is contractually obligated to save my life, but I should be able to tell how he feels about me by his reaction. I take a deep breath and slam my head back as hard as I can. The collision makes a loud banging noise. I gasp in pain. Water rushes down my throat and starts to fill my lungs. My head and chest are throbbing. The dirty, soapy water stings my eyes as I hold myself under. I can hear muffled shouting and panicked footsteps rushing into the bathroom.

"Oh my gosh!" I can hear Mey-Rin scream. Sebastian's arms plunge into the water and pulls me out. Tears start to spill from my eyes as I try to cough up the water. Sebastian pats my back, and that helps me cough up the last of the water.

"Mey-Rin, I think it'd be best if you leave now." Sebastian's voice is cold.

"Do I need to call someone?" Her voice is still panicky.

"No." Sebastian doesn't take his eyes off of me. His eyes are angry. Sebastian grips both of my arms with his hands.

"Are you sure?"

"Leave!" His voice raises slightly and his grip tightens.

"Alright." Mey-Rin's voice sounds small and frightened. She doesn't say anything else before she leaves. Sebastian waits for her to close the front door before saying anything else.

"You did that on purpose." He glares at me. "Abandoning your revenge I see? Did you forget that I have to take care of you and save your ass from dying? Are you violating the contract, sacrificing your soul early?" His grip on my arm tightens to the point of cutting off circulation.

"Sebastian, you're hurting me." My bottom lip quivers. He doesn't let go.

"Hurting you? I'm hurting you." He sighs. "Well my hunger is hurting me. Can I just call it a day and eat your soul already?" His fangs show and his eyes radiate chaos.

"N-no." I answer tentatively. He's scaring me.

"So what the hell was that?!" He pulls me close to him.

"It was an accident!" I cry. I don't want him to be angry.

"Don't lie to me." He whispers into my ear.

"Sebastian, please stop!" My body is shaking in fear. What is he going to do?

"Ciel." His tone is demanding, threatening even.

"I order you to stop." There's a pause before he lets me go.

"Yes, my lord." He grimaces.


	15. Chapter 15

"He fucking saw me as nothing more than a toy and a meal!" Anger boils inside of me as I continue to relive what happened. "He was to angry about me 'abandoning my revenge' to even care that I could have died!" Tears continue to flow down my face.

"Ciel," Dr. Sullivan places her hand over mine. "it's awful how he reacted, but did you ever stop to think that he was angry because he cared." She smiles at me.

"If he cared about me, he wouldn't have said what he said." I glare back at her. Her smile falters.

"Ciel, people don't always say what they mean."

"Sebastian isn't just some person; he always says what he means." I pause. "Fuck the contract, I wish he would have just let the water fill my lungs. I wish he would have let me die."

"Don't say that." Dr. Sullivan quickly makes a note and then returns her attention back to me. "Ciel, there are people who care about you if you would have died that day, they would have been so upset."

"Upset? So what are they now?" I throw my hands up into the air as I speak. "Mey-Rin, Bard' and Finny are a sobbing mess!" My voice escalates to shouting.

"Ciel!" Dr. Sullivan calls out sternly.

"Fuck!" My hands drop down to cover my face. "This is all my fault, that's what you're going to say right?"

"No, that's not what I'm here for." She gives me a comforting smile. "I'm here to listen to you."

"Then why are you taking notes?" I point to her clip board.

"It's just procedure." She looks shocked. "Usually, people don't mind. It helps me understand what you tell me."

"Oh." I calm down a bit. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I just want you to tell me your story." She smiles. There's something comforting in her expression.

"Okay." I take a deep breath and continue where I had just left off. "I ran to my room, giving him some excuse about how I can dress myself or something."


	16. Chapter 16

My body shakes in fear as I curl up into a ball on the floor of my room. I can't stop crying. Sebastian doesn't really care about me. How can I have fooled myself into thinking that he did? He's just a demon. He's only here by obligation, not by choice. He's probably not even capable of true human emotion. I almost drown, and he gets angry? I had been expecting something more along the lines of fear or worry, maybe even joy that he saved me in time. To think that I had been betrayed like that. But can I really call it betrayal? I have known from the beginning that Sebastian is a demon, and when have demons ever been associated with kindness or compassion? Never. Demons are nothing but heartless bastards.

"Ciel, you have a visitor." Sebastian calls out. He's acting like this morning never happened. I stand up and wipe my eyes.

"Who is it?" I call out. I know I look a mess, and there are not many people I feel like explaining myself to.

"It's me!" Alois shouts. I can hear him running past Sebastian. "I'm coming into your room now!" He throws the door open. His grinning face looks down on me as he walks into my room.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything." Sebastian says as he walks by my door. He doesn't even bother to look in to see if I'm alright. Alois looks at me for a moment and closes the door.

"Are you alright? Mey-Rin told us all what happened this morning." He comes and wraps his arms around me. "She said that Sebastian seemed a bit off and scary." I burst into tears once more.

"He's just a stupid bastard!" I place my head on Alois's shoulder. "I almost fucking drown, and what does he do? He goes on about me 'abandoning my revenge' and how he should just eat me now." Alois rubs my back.

"It'll be okay." He's trying to comfort me. "Claude gets like that sometimes too, you'll be okay, Hun."

"I thought he loved me." I mumble. I'm not even sure if Alois hears me, but if he did, he didn't say anything. He just holds me while I cry.

"Ciel, I think we need to get you out of this apartment for a little while." Alois says after a few minutes of silence. "It'll be good for you." I nod, and he helps me up. He goes to my closet and picks out a pair of black shorts, a nice black collard shirt, and a green over coat. He tosses them to me and I put them on. He then grabs a pair of knee socks and my combat boots. I put those on as well. I then put my eye patch on and attempt to fix my hair. Alois laughs.

"I'm trying my best." I yell defensively.

"Sure you are." He runs his fingers through my hair. "Well, lets go." He pulls me out of my room, and we walk down the hall and out the front door.


	17. Chapter 17

"So, Alois came to your rescue." Dr. Sullivan writes something down again.

"Yeah, he did." I say solemnly. Dr. Sullivan looks up at me a bit confused.

"You don't sound too happy about that." She says. I nod.

"Nothing in my life is happy or good from this point forward." I say. I look at her to see how she reacts. Her eyes are just sad and sympathetic.

"Ciel, you have had happiness, you just haven't realized it." She smiles at me. "Didn't you have fun with Alois when you guys spent time together?"

"You haven't even heard what happened." I mumble. "That time we spent together was just fucked up."

"How so?" She prepares her pen to write more down.

"Well lets see..." My voice fades away as I think. "It all started in the coffee shop."


	18. Chapter 18

"Ciiiiiiiieeeeeeel!" Alois croons as he walks back to our seats on the sofa in the cafe. "Our drinks are here!" He sets his frappe and my earl grey tea down on the coffee table and sits down next to me.

"Thanks." I pick up my tea and take a sip.

"No problem." He watches me for a moment. "So what exactly happened this morning?" His question catches me off guard.

"Nothing. You already know the story." I look down at my fee to avoid eye contact.

"Ciel, you're an awful liar." His tone is more serious. "I know something more happened. It's not that hard to figure out that there's something happening between you and your demon."

"Alois, please stop." I beg. I really can't do this right now.

"The submissive way you act around Sebastian is almost sickening. You're like a shy school girl!" His eyes widen as he realizes something. "You had sex with him didn't you." My face turns a bright pink.

"Alois-"

"Ciel" He cuts me off. "That's a surprise. Holy shit, you and Sebastian!" I watch him stare off into space. His expression is hard to read.

"Alois?" I poke his side. He flinches.

"What?" He snaps back. He seems annoyed.

"You spaced out." I awkwardly reply. Alois nods.

"Sorry." He takes a sip of his drink. "So, Lizzy has invited Claude and I to accompany her to Undertaker's."

"Why?" I've only met Undertaker once, but he is rather strange and kind of scary.

"Honestly, I have no idea. He just requested her company." Alois takes another sip of his drink.

"Sounds a bit sketchy." I take a deep breath. "I suppose we have to go with her." Lizzy's a rather cute girl, and it will be awful if Undertaker does something to her.

"Yeah, Claude should be here to pick us up now." Alois stands up and offers his hand to me. I take it, and he pulls me up. We both grab our drinks and head outside.

"So are we going to Undertaker's apartment?" I find it a bit odd that Claude coming to pick us up.

"Uh, yeah." Alois replies. He seems a bit distracted. After a minute or two a small, dark red car pulls up. The window facing us rolls down.

"Ready?" Claude asks. Alois opens the back door, and we get in.

"You know what to do Claude." Alois demands. Before I know what's going in, Claude is holding a strange smelling cloth to my face. I start to feel dizzy, and everything goes black.

~*~*~*~*~

My head is throbbing, pounding against my skull. What happened? The last thing I remember is getting into a car with Alois, and Claude smothering me with a pungently sweet smelling cloth. Shit. It was chloroform wasn't it?

I open my eyes to see where I am, but I don't recognize the place. I'm in a large, very comfortable bed much like my own, but the comforter is green, and the room I'm in looks more suited to Alois's tastes. Is this his bedroom? I sit up and look around for any specific items that may give it away. A simple, white desk is placed to the right of me. There's a stack of papers, a few trinkets, and a pencil sharpener on it. My eyes scan the room, and finally land on the closet. The door is open, and I can see a couple over coats, a few vests, and multiple pairs of short shorts. Alois's booty shorts.

This is definitely Alois's room. I throw back the covers and get out of his bed. Why am I here? This whole situation is just too weird for my liking. I walk over to the door and turn the door knob. Damn, the door's locked. I let out a frustrated sigh. What the hell is going on? I push my hair out of my face, knocking off my eye patch in the process.

Hmm, I can always call for Sebastian. No, I can't, not after what happened this morning. I can't face him just yet. I bend down and pick my eye patch up off the floor and put it back on. What is Alois thinking keeping me locked up in here? I look at the door. I can always just bang on it until someone comes. Yeah, I can do that. I lift up my hands, ball them into fists, and start pounding.

After a few minutes, I can hear a grumpy Alois shouting. I continue to pound on the door despite my hands starting to hurt.

"Alois!" I shout. I have to get him to let me out. I bang my fists on the door a couple more times before it opens. An unhappy and disheveled Alois stares at me.

"What the fuck?" He glares. I stare at him, not sure what to say. "You interrupted my time with Claude."

"Why am I locked up in your room?" I ask, getting straight to the point and ignoring what he said about interrupting. Alois laughs.

"Claude thought it would be great to kidnap you for a day or so, and after this morning, I decided to play along, besides, do you really want to go back home to what ever it is Sebastian is to you?" He looked at me with a weird expression. "Besides, I want to have a little fun with you."

"What do you-?" I start to ask, but I get cut off by Alois's lips. As he kisses me, he pushes me backwards towards his bed.

"I'm really fucking horny right now, and Claude is no longer in the mood after your little fit, so looks like you'll have to pay." He whispers into my ear. He pins me against his mattress. His eyes flair with mischief and lust.

"Alois-" I start to say before I'm cut off again by another forceful kiss from Alois. His tongue pushes through and invade my mouth. His hands slip under my shirt and up my back. His nails dig into my skin. I want him to stop.

I try to push him off of me. My legs are flailing, hoping to throw us off balance, so I can get free. Alois hands skillfully remove my clothes, leaving me vulnerable to what ever he desired to do. I squeeze my eyes shut, not willing to accept what is happening. If I squeeze them shut hard enough, maybe this will all become a dream.

Alois's kisses start to trail from my mouth and down to my nipples where he playfully bit them. I clench my teeth together, trying to keep what ever sounds I may make to myself. His icy blue eyes glance up at me for a moment before he swiftly undresses himself as well.

"Alois, please don't." The pitiful plea barely makes it out of my mouth before Alois manages to lift my legs, giving him easy access.

"Oh what a shame, looks like I left the lube in Claude's room. This may hurt a lot." He shrugs before inserting himself into me.

"Alois!" I gasp as he enters me. It hurts. I want him to stop! I don't want him to do this to me! Tears spill from my eyes. Why does this keep happening to me?


	19. Chapter 19

"Alois raped me right there in his room." I shudder at the memory. "I must have some fine piece of ass, because people just can't keep their hands and dicks away from it." I say bitterly and sarcastically.

"That's awful." Dr. Sullivan makes another note. "What happened after that?" She looks up at me with her eyes full of pity.

"Well, once Alois was done, he let me put my clothes back on and leave." I laugh. "Two thirteen year old boys have a one night stand in the middle of the afternoon, what a life." Dr. Sullivan doesn't look amused at my remark.

"Did you ever tell Sebastian what happened?" She asks. I shake my head.

"No, as far as he's concerned, Alois and I had a nice day out and about. He probably wouldn't have cared though. I bet I could have told him, and the only thing he would care about is the fact that I was at the Trancy's when I wasn't supposed to be around Claude." I say. It feels good to get all of this off my chest. "I'm just a meal and a fuck buddy to him."

"Ciel," Dr. Sullivan takes a deep breath, "trust me, Sebastian cares more about you than you think." What does she know? She's never met the bastard.

"Sure." I retort. "Lets just move on."

"As you wish." She says, getting her pen ready to write more.

"Okay, so after I left Alois's, I just sat outside the door to my apartment for a while and cried."


	20. Chapter 20

The tears flood from my eyes and stain my cheeks like an eternal water fall. The sobbing had gave away minutes ago to the silent depression that now fills me. My legs are outstretched across the hall, and my head leans back on the wall for support. It was around four when I left Alois's, so Mey-Rin, Finny, and Bard should be getting home soon. I'm not sure what they do during the day, but I do know that their schedules never changed. I will have to hide somewhere else if I want to avoid questioning.

I can hear foot steps coming up the stairs. My head snaps up to look down the hall, and I wait to see who comes into sight. After a few seconds, blonde curls and a pink frilly dress comes into view. It's Lizzy.

"Hi Ciel! ~♥" She waves and runs to me. Her grin falters when she sees me. "Are you okay?"Her large green eyes fill with worry. I shrug.

"I'm fine." I'm not fine. I'm far from fine. Lizzy sits down next to me.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it." She gently places her arm around my shoulders in a not so awkward side hug. "We can talk about something else."

"Like what?" My voice is shaky. Lizzy smiles and wipes the tears from my face.

"Something happy." She thinks for a moment and then claps her hands together. "I know! There's a new bakery opening up down the street in a few days; we should go together. I've heard that the baker is really good at what he does."

"Sounds great." I mumble. I appreciate what she's trying to do, but I don't think it will work.

"Yay! I'm so happy!" She giggles. "I was hoping you would come, that's actually what I was coming up here to ask." She blushes.

"Lizzy, do you want to go out?" My eyes look up and meet with her shocked ones. Her face flushes.

"W-what do you mean?" She stammers.

"I need to get out of here. Maybe taking a walk outside will do me some good." It takes all I have to stand up and not break down again. Lizzy looks at me for a moment as she regains her composure.

"Ciel, it's been raining like crazy for the last hour, and there's going to be really bad weather soon. That's not such a great idea." She offers me a comforting smile. I try to smile back, but it comes out more like a pained grimace. "Ciel, there's something bad wrong isn't there?" She asks. I don't know how to respond. Yes, my life is falling apart, but I don't want to tell her about it. How will she react if I told her everything? What will she think of me when she knows how much of a slut I am? Not every thirteen year old boy has had as much sex as I have in the last month or so. How have things turned out like this?

"Lizzy..." I start to say. What do I tell her?

"You don't have to tell me about it." She gently places her hand on mine. "If things are as bad as you look, than I can only imagine how hard it would be to tell someone you barely know about it." Why is she being so nice to me? Like she said, we barely know each other, so why is she being so compassionate? Does she pity me? Is that what this is? She must have heard about this morning like Alois did, and now she has come up here to ask me on a pity date. But she seems too genuine for that to be the case.

"Thank you." I whisper, hoping she can't hear the emotions and uncertainty that resides in me. I take a deep breath and stand up. "Do you want to come inside?" I ask, gesturing towards my apartment. It will be a hell of a lot easier to face Sebastian with company.

"I would love to." She grins as she stands up. "I would really like to get to know you better." She looks at me with her large green eyes. Lizzy really is a cute girl. I nod and knock on the door. I didn't bother to grab a key on my way out earlier. It takes a few seconds for Sebastian to come to the door.

"Welcome home." He says in a bored, flat tone. His expression is weird. He looks annoyed, that's for sure, but I can't place what other emotions are plastered on his face. It only takes Sebastian to notice Lizzy standing behind me. "Welcome, Elizabeth." He flashes his perfect and irresistible smile.

"You can just call me Lizzy." She smiles back at him. Feeling annoyed, I push my way past Sebastian and head into the living room. Lizzy follows me in a more polite and graceful manner.

"If you guys need anything, just call me." Sebastian says before he slips into his room. That damn demon. I roll my eyes at his sudden hospitality.

"He's nice." Lizzy says as she sits down on the couch. I shrug as I sit next to her.

"He can be." I say, not entirely sure how much I mean to imply by that. Lizzy looks at me funny for a moment.

"What is he again? Your brother? Or was is more like a legal guardian?" She asks a bit confused.

"I guess legal guardian would best describe him." I say a bit absently. Why did I invite Lizzy inside? What had I been expecting?

"So he's to you what Claude is to Alois." She says. I nod. She does not even know how true that statement really is. "That's pretty neat."

"Yeah, I guess it is." I respond. Where is this conversation going?

"So, this may be a little invasive, but are you and Sebastian..." She pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. "Are you two having some sort of inappropriate relationship?" My eyes widen in shock. How much does she know? How does she know? I rack my mind for the perfect response.

"W-w-what?!" I stammer. Lizzy looks at me with a look of concern.

"I don't see it often, but sometimes I catch him looking at you with this weird look in his eyes. Hunger is the best way I can describe it. It's really unsettling actually." She looks down at her lap, her cheeks a bright red. "I'm sorry I brought it up. I was just curious, that's all."

"It's okay." I reply. Lizzy's acting a bit strange. "Well, tell me more about this new bakery." This conversation is in desperate need of a topic changer. Lizzy's eyes light up as she looks up at me.

"Well, the bakery will have all the standard musts of a bakery shop like pastries, cakes, and cookies, but the bakery will also have this neat little thing called a curry bun! The two guys that run the shop were advertising it as their own creation. I've never heard of such a thing myself, but it seems promising in a weird and quirky way!" She grins as she speaks. "Yesterday, my mother took me by the shop to see if it would be fit for a girl like me to be seen, yeah my mother's a bit weird, and we got to meet the two guys. They introduced themselves as Agni and Soma. They were really nice, and they're from India!" Lizzy is practically bubbling over with excitement.

"That sounds pretty great." I say, encouraging her. She nods and her pigtails bounce as she does so.

"Soma was super energetic, and Agni was really cool. I think you'd like them." She grins.

"They sound fun." My responses are growing more and more generic. How rude will it be to ask her to leave so soon? As if an answer to my question, Lizzy's phone starts ringing.

"Hello?" She answers it. "Oh, I'm still with Ciel." There's a pause. "Okay, I'll come right away." She hangs up and smiles at my apologetically.

"You have to go?" I try my best not to sound relieved.

"Yeah, my mom wants me to come home now." She stands up and smooths her dress. "Well, I enjoyed spending time with you." I stand up and walk her to the door.

"Bye Lizzy." I say as she walks out the door. She waves goodbye and starts her journey to her apartment. I close the door and lock it, not wishing to please anymore company for the rest of the week. That had been exhausting.

As if on cue, Sebastian emerges from his room and motions for me to come to him. Reluctantly, I drag myself over. Is he going to confront me again about this morning?

"You've been over at the Trancy's." He states sternly. His eyes narrow as he observes me. That's when I loose it.

"Why do you care?!" I shout. Anger replaces the sadness. Who gives him the right to care about where I've been?!

"Ciel, it is my duty to take care of you as we fulfill your revenge, and I don't want that damn Spider messing with you." He keeps his voice low, but I can hear the aggravation in his tone.

"Are you worried Claude's going to mess with your fucking meal?" I ask. Tears form in my eyes. "I know that's all I am to you." I lower my head, not wanting to meet those crimson eyes. "I know that you don't actually care about me." My voice is quiet and shy. "You don't actually care."

"Ciel." Sebastian kneels down and places his hand on my shoulder. I slap his hand away.

"Don't touch me." I back up, not wanting to be so close.

"Ciel, listen to me-" He starts, but I cut him off.

"No, I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear you rationalizing everything! I don't want to hear you playing with my fucking emotions!" I cry out. I'm way past my breaking point. "All of this time, I thought that there was a chance! I thought that maybe you could love me! I realize I'm nothing but a little shit to you, but I thought that maybe, just maybe." My knees hit the ground and I lift my arm to shield my eyes. I have lost it. My words become nothing more than just sobbing. Sebastian sits down next to me and pulls the emotional wreck I have become into his warm embrace. I don't fight back. As I let him hold me, a vain hope resurfaces that there might just be a sliver of a chance.

"It will be okay." He whispers as he kisses my head. I don't respond. My breathing is to shaky too utter out anything coherent.


	21. Chapter 21

"We stayed like that for hours." I say. "He held me as I wept. It was so pathetic." Dr. Sullivan finishes her most recent note and looks up at me. I may be mistaking, but I think I can see her eyes watering as she looks at me.

"Ciel, I know that all of this negativity is key to why you are here, but let me take this chance you show you the silver lining to this cloud you have found yourself under. Your friend Lizzy was nothing but nice to you, and, from what you've said, she could have helped you if you would have allowed her. Lizzy is a great thing in your life, and I want you to remember that as you recover." Dr. Sullivan taps her pen on her clipboard for many seconds.

"Look, Lizzy's a sweet girl, but there is no way in hell she would have been accepting of what all was going on in my life." I laugh. "I'm a fucking slut. Why else would all of these guys want me? Men want sluts because they must be easy to get into bed, and here I am the fucking king of easy. It doesn't take a body builder to be able to over power me."

"Ciel, being raped doesn't make you a slut." Dr. Sullivan says in a serious tone. "When you were raped, did you want that?" Her eyes practically drill holes into what is left of my walls.

"No." I say quietly.

"So, how can you be a slut if you weren't willing to participate in this in the first place? So what if you wanted to do things with Sebastian? That's just one man, and besides, there is nothing wrong with being what you would call a slut. That's perfectly human." Her voice sounds more like she's parenting me than making commentary on what I've said.

"I guess you're right." I mumble. My eyes wander around, not wanting to meet with Dr. Sullivan. Despite what she has said, I still feel a great amount of shame. "Can I just tell you more about what happened next?"

"Yes, you can." Her tone returns to normal.

"Okay, so after that, I guess I fell asleep, and Sebastian had taken me to my bed, because the next thing I remember is waking up in my bed like the last day had never happened. It was weird, because Sebastian was back to normal as well with his playful and flirtatious attitude. If it wasn't for the pain I was still feeling in my ass and the rawness around my eyes, I would have just assumed that it had all been a bad dream."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading what I have so far! I'm currently working on the next part.  
> Today, I uploaded all of the parts I already had done, but usually when I update, it will be two chapters at a time- the story part, and then the part with the psychiatrist.   
> Please give me feed back. I love hearing from the readers, and I also love getting constructive criticism!


	22. Chapter 22

Chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream awaits for me at my usual breakfast spot. Sebastian patiently sits on the stool next to mine. When he senses me, he looks up and smiles.

"I have prepared your favorite for this morning's breakfast." He smiles at me. I nod and shuffle my feet over to the bar stool and climb onto it. I pick up my fork and start eating. The silence that fills the space around us is unbearably awkward. Sebastian's intense gaze isn't helping either.

"Why are you watching me?" I ask not bothering to glance directly at him. This is too weird. After everything that has happened, things being back like this is almost too much. Sebastian snickers.

"I enjoy watching you. Is there something wrong with that?" He asks, feigning innocence and confusion.

"Yeah, it's creepy." I mumble before shoveling another bite into my mouth. Sebastian smirks. "What?" I say with my mouthful. I don't see a point in having perfect manners around the thing that has already seen my worst.

"You have a bit of cream on your face." He says as he reaches out and gently wipes the cream off of my chin. I hesitantly look up at him. Sebastian has a devious smirk on his face and his eyes are set on my lips. His fingers trace around my lips before he drops his hand away.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you want to kiss me." I say, not realizing that I had said it aloud.

"Oh really?" Sebastian challenges. I look down at my food, embarrassed. Sebastian grabs my chin, and pulls my head to face him. He smoothly closes the space between us, and gently kisses me. Caught up in the moment, I kiss him back, our lips moving together in an awkward sync. His tongue invades my mouth and dances around like it owns the place. His taste is both intoxicating and blissful. I want him. Sebastian bites my lower lip and slowly backs away. My eyes look up at his begging for more. He props his elbow up on the counter and rests his head on his hand.

"What are you doing to me?" I murmur. I look down at my lap and trace my lips with my fingers. Why do I feel this way? After everything that has happened, why do I still want Sebastian? Panicking, I push myself off of the bar stool and back away from Sebastian.

"Have I done something wrong?" He asks. He stands up, comes towards me, and pins me up against the wall. "Have I hurt you?" His voice is low. I close my eyes turn my head. I don't want to talk about this with him. It had been bad enough that I broke down on him yesterday. I don't want to go through that humiliation again. Sebastian pushes himself closer onto me like he thinks it will make me talk to him. I retreat closer into myself and the wall.

"Sebastian, please stop." I say quietly. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter to keep my composure. I don't want this! Conflicting thoughts swarm my mind, attacking what little self control.

_I don't want Sebastian!_

_I want him._

_I want him to fuck me._

_I want him to love me._

_I want him to leave me alone and to stop messing with me._

_I don't want him! I can't have him!_

"As you wish." Sebastian says as he takes a few steps back. Everything about his response pisses me off from the way he shrugs it all off to the bored expression on his face. As I wish, huh? If I had things exactly as I wished, does he really think I'd be here right now? In this situation? I slide down the wall and to the floor and start laughing hysterically. It's all I can do to keep from breaking down again. What's wrong with me?

"Ciel?" Sebastian looks at me concerned. Ah yes, worry for the sanity of your perfect meal. Do you fuck all of your food before you eat it? Tears from laughing start to spill from my eyes, and the laughing soon shifts into sobbing. How can he take everything so lightly and then pretend to care when it seems as if something is wrong with me?

Sebastian sits down next to me and wraps his arms around my trembling body. He's comforting me again just like last time I broke down on him. Damn it! I can't keep doing this! Why is he comforting me? It's not like he feels any compassion for me or guilt for what he's doing to me. He can't. He's a demon; feelings like that can't be felt by him. That sick bastard's probably enjoying this.

Feeling more frustrated than before, I push Sebastian away. I glance up just in time to see a wave of shock pass through his crimson eyes. Had he really been so shocked by my rejection? The thought both pleases and upsets me. Is he shocked because he wanted me to accept him, or is he shocked because he figured my pathetic self would just let him do what ever?

"I've got a date with Lizzy today." I say as I stand up and start to walk towards the hall. I'm not exactly lying to him. Lizzy and I do have a date; it's just not today. I turn my head to look at Sebastian before turning the corner into the hall.

"Have fun." He smiles. I can not find the slightest hint of disappointment on his face, and this pisses me off.

"Oh, I will. She fancies me quite a bit." I say as I turn my back on him. "I might even get serious with her." I say, hoping my words damage Sebastian someway. Once I get out of his eyesight, I give him a moment to say something or come after me, but he does nothing. Giving up for now, I go into the bathroom to wash my face and take care of my personal hygiene. No matter how much she may like me, Lizzy will not be too pleased if I show up at her doorstep unannounced and not at my best.

After taking care of myself in the bathroom, I head into my room and try to find some clothes to wear. A few minutes into searching my wardrobe, I come out with a white button down shirt, a dark blue vest, and black shorts. I pair that with my usual black knee socks and a pair of combat boots. In retrospect, my clothing choice is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me that much.

Once I'm dressed, I struggle to put my eye patch on and comb my hair, but I manage to get it after many minutes. Finally ready, I head out of my room and to the front door. I don't see Sebastian, so I don't say anything as I leave the apartment to head down to Lizzy's. Hopefully she can do something with me today, so I don't have to spend the day out alone or just give up and go back home.

After walking down a flight of stairs, I soon find myself outside of what I'm assuming is Lizzy's door. I've never actually been to her apartment, but she had mentioned the number once before. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. I hope she's free.

"Coming!" Her high pitched voice rings out. I hear a few foot steps, and then the door opens. "Ciel?" Lizzy smiles. "I wasn't expecting you." She casually runs her fingers through her hair, which is down.

"Um, yeah. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out today." I ask. I look down at my feet as I speak, not wanting to see her face if she rejected me.

"I would love to." I look up to see her grinning face. "If you would just give me a minute to get ready." She opens the door wider and takes a step back. "Please come in. You can sit in the living room while you wait." I smile.

"Thank you." I quickly come inside and follow her as she leads me to the living room.

"Well, I'll be back soon." She waves as she heads around the corner. I wave as well. Once Lizzy is out of sight, I go and sit on the couch. Her apartment is very cute. The decor is various pastel shades of pink, yellow, purple, and blue. It practically screams spring.

After a little while, Lizzy comes back to the living room. She has her hair up in her usual curly pigtails, and she is dressed in a cute, frilly, pink top with a white skirt, knee socks, and pink creepers. She smiles at me and walks over to where I sit.

"So, what do you want to do today?" She asks. Her green eyes are watching me closely.

"Well, I was hoping we could go out. Maybe we can just walk around the park or something." I shrug. I really hadn't thought this idea through.

"That sounds great! The weather is perfect for a day out." She claps her hands together as she speaks.

"I'm glad you find my idea great." I say with a sigh of relief. "So, are you ready to go?" I stand up as I ask. Lizzy nods and leads the way out the door.

"So, if you don't mind my asking, what brought on the sudden last minute date?" She closes the door as soon as I step out of her apartment.

"Well, I just thought that we haven't really hung out much." I shrug. I look at her from the corner of my eye.

"That's nice of you, but I don't believe that's the case." She grabs my hand and and starts leading the way down the hall and out the main doors.

"Well, that's my answer." I say, not exactly lying. Lizzy looks at me and smiles.

"Alright then, if that's what you're going to stand by." She pushes the door open and pulls me out into the sunlight.

"What answer do you want?" I ask her. She seems very unsatisfied with the answer I gave.

"Hmm, well, I'd love the truth, but any answer that has something to do with you loving to see me will work as well." She said with hopeful eyes. I don't know what she thought the truth is, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't exactly have the right idea of what brought on the spontaneous 'date'.

"Well, what if I said that I would love to see you more often, and I just wanted an excuse to be with you?" I asked. By this point, I'm well aware of the flirting that is going on between us, but I find it in my best interest to just go with it.

"Well, then I would say that you had a very good reason." She blushes as she turns her head to look at me. She squeezes my hand, almost as if she is reminding herself that we are in fact holding hands.

"Good, that will be the answer I'm going with." I say with an air of arrogance. I don't know what she sees in me, but I am not going to complain about a good distraction from Sebastian.

"That's a smart decision." Lizzy says, matching my arrogance. She looks straight ahead as we walk down the sidewalk. There aren't many people out and about today, but that also may have something to do with the fact that most people were either at work or school right now.

"Wait a minute," I say starting to put somethings together. "Are you and Alois both home schooled or something?" Neither of them seem to go to school, at least not on a regular schedule.

"My mom has hired a private tutor to teach me, but I don't know about Alois. I guess he's home schooled." She shrugs. "Well, I guess you are as well seeing as how you're always around when kids our age shouldn't be."

"Yeah, I am." I say, not really wanting to get into the whole 'I'm not in school because I'm living with a demon who is supposed to be helping me track down my parents' murderer, so I can get my revenge'.

"Well, that's perfectly fine." She giggles. "Now we can spend time together with out an annoying crowd being around."

"That's true." I smile. Lizzy is always so positive. I will be better off fancying her than I am in my current state of confusion with Sebastian, but I guess it isn't that easy.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading my story! I'm just letting you guys know that these parts set with the therapist are mostly outside of the story, so they will almost always be significantly shorter than an in story part. Please understand that that is just how it will work out. Thank you for being patient! ^-^

"Did you like Lizzy?" Dr. Sullivan asks me. I look up at her and nod.

"She was a nice girl, there wasn't much to dislike." I answer, not really sure why she asked the question in the first place.

"No, I mean did you have a crush on her?"

"No. I don't know. Maybe?" My face heats up a bit. "I had never really given my relationship with Lizzy much thought beyond the fact that it would be better for me than anything I had or could have going on with Sebastian." Dr. Sullivan nods and writes something down on her clipboard.

"Well, that's perfectly natural for boys your age." She smiles at me. "Now, I know you were well aware that Lizzy had a crush on you, so is that why she became your escape from Sebastian?"

"I guess so." I mumble. When she worded it like that, it sounds like I had just been using Lizzy. "I mean, I did consider her a friend, so it wasn't like I was just using her with out a second thought."

"I know, Ciel." Dr. Sullivan writes another thing down. "Now, another thing, Lizzy seems to have started to catch on to you and Sebastian, although she may not have realized what exactly she was catching on to. Did anyone else notice anything strange?"

"I doubt it, and if they did, they didn't say anything." I reply, starting to feel uncomfortable. Just thinking about if any of the others had known what had been going on made me feel sick.

"Okay, well, do you wish to tell me more about your day out with Lizzy?"

"Well, there isn't much to say. We walked around for a bit, and she talked endlessly about what ever seemed to come to mind." I shrug. "It may have been the happiest I had felt in a while, but nothing important or note worthy happened."

"If it made you happy, that in itself is worth taking note of and remembering." Dr. Sullivan smiles. "It's important to remember the good times, even if they don't seem important."

"Okay, well we spent all day in the park and just walking around town, and when we finally came back home, it was dark already. Lizzy had to go straight home to keep her mom from worrying, so I walked her to her door, and we hugged and said good-byes. After that, I went back to my apartment, where I had to face Sebastian."


	24. Chapter 24

"Did you have fun?" Sebastian asks as I come through the door. He's standing against the wall watching me with intense eyes. Had he been waiting this whole time?

"Yeah, I did." I say as I walk past him. "And now I'm hungry." I turn my head to see if Sebastian is still standing against the wall, and to my disappointment, he is.

"Well, you missed lunch. He says with a cold voice that reminds me just how uncomfortable I feel.

"I want a snack or something." I say, ignoring him. I walk into the kitchen and look around. "Sebastian, I want something sweet." Spending the day with Lizzy really helped me get myself together enough to face Sebastian and pretend things are normal.

"Well, if you eat now you'll spoil your dinner." Sebastian says as he leans on the counter. I look at him with an annoyed look.

"So I'm supposed to just wait?" I ask. He stares at me for a moment, irritation clear on his face.

"That's what I'm doing." He stands up and approaches me. "I'm being consumed with hunger." His voice is low as he speaks. "Everything I am is  _starving_." He leans in and inhales slowly. "I'm sick of waiting for you to get over yourself long enough to make progress in our investigation. Don't you want to know who _killed_  your parents?" He strokes his fingers along my jawline and down my throat where he wraps his hand around, lightly choking me. "I didn't have to save you from drowning yesterday, so believe me when I say another stunt like that will bring a boring end to the contract and serve your soul under cooked." His grip on my throat tightens, making breathing nearly impossible. My body squirms, and my chest aches. I try to tell him to stop, but nothing more than a few strained sounds come out. He looks at me in pity and lets go of my throat. I fall to my knees, gasping for air. Shocked, I stare up at him. My eyes are, no doubt, wide with fear. My body is trembling.

"I just want to know if you cared about me." I say quietly. My voice is small and meek, and I'm not even fully aware of the fact that I am speaking aloud. "I know I'm just a meal to you, so you don't have to keep rubbing that in." I ball up my fists and hit Sebastian in the stomach. "I hate how you make me feel!" I hit him again. "I hate how, despite knowing you're a demon, I can't help but feel these feelings for you!" I hit him again. "I hate how even though I know you don't feel anything for me, I still hope!" I hit him again. "I hate how I can't even keep myself together around you!" I hit him again, but this time I leave my fists on him and drop my head. "I hate how I am..." My eyes water up I start to cry yet again in front of Sebastian.

"Young master?" He sounds shocked. "Is there something I can do?" He gently pets my hair. I shake my head. What can he do? It's not like he can just magically start loving me. Sebastian wraps his arms around me and holds me close. He kisses the top of my head. Why does he keep toying with me like this? Doesn't he know what he's doing to me? I look up at his face. Despite what little pride I have left, I don't struggle against my feelings.

"Can we just pretend to love each other, just for tonight?" I whisper. I don't understand why I'm being so needy. Sebastian nods and kisses me gently. A small content sigh escapes my lips as I lean into the kiss, wanting to cherish this feeling and not caring how artificial it is.

I wrap my arms around Sebastian's neck, holding him close to me. His kissing grows more aggressive as he pins me down to the floor. He pulls my shirt off, and trails his kisses down from my mouth to my neck. His cool hands press into my back as he sucks on my soft spot, and a soft moan rises from my throat. I can feel a smirk forming on Sebastian's lips as he continues to get the reaction he wants. I close my eyes and lean my head back, making myself more vulnerable. Sebastian's lips wander down further until he reaches a nipple. His tongue skillfully dances over my skin sending waves of pleasure through my nerves. His fingers gently stroke my back sending shivers down my spine. He lifts himself up and looks me in the eye.

"You are mine, and mine alone." He whispers possessively in my ear. Sebastian pull my arms up over my head and hold my hands together, making it hard to move. My spin arches, pressing my body against Sebastian's. A small moan rises in my throat  as he nibbles on my earlobe. Sebastian's skillful hands unbutton my pants and slip them off, making my slender legs vulnerable to his desires.

"Take me." I mumble out in a haze of lust. Sebastian pauses for a moment and smirks.

"What do you mean by that?" He asks in a teasing tone.  I can feel my face heating up as I look at him.

"You know what I mean." I say, trying to sound confident. Sebastian cocks his head to the side and feigns innocence.

"I'm afraid I can only work on specific requests." He smils mischievously as my face turned a bright red.

"Fuck me." I mutter. I am beyond embarrassed, but Sebastian has seen me in a more pitiful state, so the only thing that is being damaged is my remaining pride.

"With pleasure." Sebastian says in a smooth voice before he slips my boxers off as well. Getting right down to it, he then lifts and spreads my legs to give himself easy access. "Is this good?" He asks, looking down at me. I look him in the eye and nod. With his hands, he starts to gently massage my testicals as he inserts his dick into my ass. A weird combination of a moan and a gasp emerges from my throat.


	25. Chapter 25

I'm tearing up again as I relive that evening for the millionth time. We had spend hours exploring one another. We only stopped when my stomach made loud protests demanding food, and once I ate, we went back at it. 

"Ciel, did you want to have sex with Sebastian?" Dr. Sullivan asks. I wipe a tear from my eye as I shrug.

"I didn't not want to." I say awkwardly. Her question has caught me off guard, and I'm not entirely sure how I should answer.

"Did you want to have sex with him at the time that you did?" She asks again, but this time rephrasing it to be more specific.

"Well, I let it happen, so I guess so." I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with her probing.

"Letting it happen and consenting to it are two different things." She explains, "It sounds to me like you aren't fully aware of this."

"I fucking know what rape is." I say harshly. Is she trying to insinuate that Sebastian raped me? "I've been fucking raped! This was different! I wanted it!" I'm shouting now, "Sebastian may not love me, but he wouldn't rape me!"

"Okay, okay, Ciel, you need to calm down." Dr. Sullivan gently places her hand on my arm, "I know that you know what rape is, but rape is also having sex without clear consent. It doesn't matter if you kind of wanted it. From what you've been telling me, you've been unsure on your stance. Based on my understanding, you have conflicting feelings for Sebastian. So tell me, did you one hundred percent consent?"

"I, uh," I sat there staring at her for what felt like the longest ten seconds of my life, "I don't know." My head drops. "I did, do, want him, but at the same time I know that I shouldn't have him."

"That's okay, you don't have to know." Dr. Sullivan squeezes my hand reassuringly, "So what happened next?"

"Well, things kept going like they were well into the night. I think I had fallen asleep in his arms. His embrace was warm and comforting. I had forgotten everything that had happened between us up until then."


	26. Chapter 26

I keep my eyes shut, not wanting to open them to reveal that last night was all a very vivid dream. My lips form a content smile as I breath in Sebastian's intoxicating scent. I snuggle closer to him, hoping that he'll tighten his embrace around me, but he doesn't. My eyes slowly flutter open to see if he was asleep, and he wasn't. Do demons even need to sleep?

"Good morning." Sebastian says in a low voice before he kisses my forehead. I look up at him, not sure what to make of his affection. I wrap my arms around his chest and hold him close. I don't want this blissful moment to end. Sebastian's chest vibrates as he chuckles.

"Good morning." I say quietly, not wanting to disrupt the moment, but feeling I had to say something. We lay there in a comfortable silence for a while before my stomach makes a loud grumbling noise.

"Looks like I need to go prepare breakfast" Sebastian said as he gently unwraps his arms from me and pulls himself from my own arms. "You should probably get up too." He said as he walks over to the door. There's something sickeningly familiar about this scene, but my tired mind doesn't pick up on it.

"Okay," I say with a yawn, "I love you." My words feel genuine as I say them, and after last night, I have seem to forgotten any reason why they shouldn't be said. Sebastian doesn't say anything as he leaves his room, leaving me alone in his bed yet again. I run my finger over my lips, remembering the sensations that I had felt a mere hours previously. Sebastian and I had done unspeakable things, and the whole time, I was feeling maybe, just maybe, he loves me too. The thought seems silly now. We have a connection, and I can feel it now. All of my doubts have been negated, and I can easily think of reasons for why Sebastian had seemed to be so cold before. He had just been as confused as I had been, but he hadn't dealt with it in the same way as I had. But that is now all in the past, and I'm ready to accept how I feel. Feeling more positive than normal, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to take care of my business. Sometimes I did envy Sebastian for not having to do such mundane things like peeing. 

Once I am done in the bathroom, I head out into the kitchen where I can hear Sebastian moving around and doing whatever it was he did whilst cooking.

"Hey, Ciel?" He calls out to me. I quickly head into the kitchen to see what he wants.

"Yeah?" I ask as I climb into my usual spot on the bar stool. Sebastian doesn't respond. I sit there for a moment, slightly irritated that he isn't saying anything. I watch as he meticulously pours the pancake batter onto the skillet.

"Ciel, we need to talk." He says as he slowly turns towards me. I furrow my eyebrow as I look at him, waiting for him to explain. "But, first, you have chocolate chip pancakes to eat." Sebastian says with a grin as he quickly turns to tend to the last pancake that is cooking. He places a neat stack of four on a plate and pours a generous amount of syrup and whipped cream on top. "Bon appetit" He says proudly as he places my breakfast in front of me.

"No, first you need to tell me whatever it is you feel you have to say." I demand as a push the plate away. I can't eat on an anxious stomach anyway.

"If you insist." He sighs as he sits down on the stool next to me, "You aren't going to achieve your revenge by falling in love with me." His tone is practically emotionless, and it's hard to figure out just what he is getting at.

"What are you trying to say?" I reply, slightly offended, "I am more than capable of managing a love life and my revenge." Sebastian's lips curve into a slight smirk.

"Look, kid, you're cute, but I don't love you."

"W-what?" I can feel my stomach drop, and it's like time has slowed to an unbearable speed.

"I don't love you." Sebastian repeats, "I thought that was pretty obvious, but, then again, you are a human child." I can't believe what I'm hearing. How can he say that after everything?

"But, what about last night?" I ask, hoping my voice doesn't sound as desperate as I feel.

"Well, you asked if we could pretend just for that night." Sebastian turns his attention away from me and starts inspecting his hand. "The night's over, and I'm done pretending." I stare at him absolutely speechless. I can't believe my ears. All of that had just been pretend?  I didn't mean it like that! None of it had been pretend for me.

"Get out." I say coldly, not wanting to be around this monster anymore. Sebastian looks up at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes.

"What?" He asks. Oh, how these tables have turned.

"I said get the fuck out!" I yell as I toss the plate of pancakes at him, "I don't want to see you ever again!"

"But, Ciel-"

"No! I order you to get out, and don't come back until I say otherwise!" I scream as tears roll down my face. So much for handling this with a sense of pride. Sebastian stands up and looks at me for a moment before walking out without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's kind of shorter compared to previous parts. A lot happened in this one, and I ended this part where it needed to end.  
> We're nearing the end of the story!


	27. Chapter 27

"Ciel, I am so sorry to hear that." Dr. Sullivan says as she writes a note on her clipboard. I don't say anything in response. What did I even have to say to that? Yeah, Sebastian is a fucking monster, but I should have known that. I mean, he's a fucking demon.

"Yeah, well that's what happened." I mutter bitterly. I don't really want to relive this anymore than I already have, but I can't stop thinking about how stupid I am for falling for the same trick twice.

"Do you feel used?" Dr. Sullivan asks, seemingly out of the blue.

"What?" I look up at her in confusion.

"Well, it seems like you have had all of these people taking advantage of you, and it sounds to me like you thought Sebastian may just be the one who wasn't." She explains, "But here we are."

"Sebastian is a fucking monster, and I should have known what to expect. I wasn't fucking used; I was just stupid." I reply. "I let him do that to me."

"Ciel, don't beat yourself up over this. You are human; these things happen." She says, trying to make me feel better.

"You think I don't fucking know that?" I glare at her, "Sebastian is a constant reminder that I'm just a stupid human." Dr. Sullivan lets out a sad sigh.

"Ciel, you being human isn't a bad thing. It's just who you are. It's who we all are." She says.

"Fine, fine, can we just move on." I ask impatiently. I just want to get the retelling of my sorry life over with.

"Yes, of course, as long as you are ready." She replies with a reassuring smile, "What happened next?"

"Well, after Sebastian left and I had drained myself out from screaming and crying, I was left all alone. No one said anything about the noise, Alois dropped completely out of the picture, and even Lizzy didn't come up to say hello. I'm sure I even missed our date to the bakery shop. No one cared about what happened to that quiet little boy with the eye patch. It felt like everyone forgot that I even existed, and the worst part was, at first, I didn't even care."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- Eye gore and self mutilation.

My stomach growls, hoping I'll finally give it the attention if craves, but I don't have the energy to. Eating takes too much. Breathing takes too much. Everything takes too much. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm sure that if I had anything left in me, I'd still have tears streaming down my face to add to my hopelessness, but my tear ducts had dried out ages ago. My stomach grumbles again, and I start to feel nausea from not eating.

Why am I so pathetic? I shouldn't even be this upset over some stupid demon. I shouldn't be curled up in a ball shaking because some fucking demon decided to play with me. No, I should be leaving my pity party and trying to hunt down the people who started this hell to begin with. I need to find out who took everything from me. But no, I'm laying here in agonizing pain over some silly crush. Why am I so fucking weak? As if on cue, my stomach makes another loud rumble, and, giving in, I get my sorry ass up and head into the kitchen to find some solace in what little food I could prepare.

I search the fridge, and find some leftovers from the last dinner Sebastian had prepared for me. Macaroni. How fucking fitting. Holding back my urge to scream, I pull out the container of the childish food and pour it out onto a plate that I can put into the microwave. I press the thirty second button and then head into the bathroom to wash my face as I wait for my food to heat up.

Why is everything trying to remind me of how useless I am? Yes, I know that I'm a child, and a human child at that. I don't need these constant reminders of that stupid fact. Feeling bitter, I look at my reflection, focusing on all of the flaws that could have caused this shit storm. My face is too feminine, and my body is frail. That must be why Druitt and his henchmen decided to have their "fun" with me. If I'm so feminine, then why couldn't I get Sebastian's attention though? Or was he more interested in my male aspects? The corners of my mouth curve into a sad smile. I will never gain what I want from Sebastian, so why can't I just forget about him? I just want to forget about this whole ordeal. I don't want to be reminded of my stupidity. A sick grin spreads across my face as I look at my reminder in the mirror. I know what I have to do now. It's simple really. I just have to remove the constant reminder of my weakness, and then I will finally be free. All I have to do is just take out my eye.

"I just have to take my eye out." I repeat aloud hysterically. "Just _pop_ it right out." My words turn into frenzied giggles as I examine my right eye in the mirror. My blue iris has been stained purple, and the mark of the biggest mistake I have ever made lay over my pupil. What will be the best way to remove this wretched thing? A pair of scissors that Sebastian had used to trim my hair catches my eye. I pick them up and run my finger down the outside of a blade. I look up at my constant reminder and then back down at the scissors. This is what I have to do. I take a deep breath as I raise the tip of the scissors to my eye. Now is the time. I fight the urge to squeeze my eyes shut as I mentally prepare myself. I take another deep breath before I plunge the scissors into my eye.

My screams of pain echo throughout the room and ring in my ears. I can feel the warm mixture of blood, pus, and whatever other body fluids reside in the eyeball ooze and stream down my face. My left eye tears up as I look at my pitiful reflection. What had I done? Here I was holding a pair of scissors that are now lodged in my eye with a mess of fluid coating my face and starting to drip from my chin. The pain is almost unbearable, and I don't want to do anything to make it worse. Hesitantly, I pull the scissors from my eye and wince at the pain, but my eyeball doesn't come out.

It takes a moment for the panic to set in. My breathing becomes irregular as I stare at my second biggest mistake. My right eyeball has become a mauled mess stuck in the socket. I don't know why I had been expecting it to come clean out. What am I going to do? I took a problem and made it worse! I'm such a failure. I can't even do _this_! I let out a blood curdling scream, hoping it'll help me feel better, but it didn't, so I kept screaming. I can't stand to keep looking at my reflection, so I curl up into a ball on the floor. I don't even care about the mess I had just made. I've somehow managed to go past rock bottom, and I can't see myself finding a way out.

As my screaming dies down to just shaking and whimpering, I can hear frantic knocks coming from the front door. Shit. I had been too loud, and that attracted unwanted attention. Dread washes over me as the realization that I have to go get it hits. Reluctantly, I pull myself up off the floor and wipe away at some of the fluids on my face before I head to the door. This will not be a pleasant confrontation.

"Ciel is everything alright?" Finny frantically asks before he realizes what he's seeing. "OH MY GOSH! CIEL!" Finny drops down to his knees and pulls me into an extremely tight hug. "What happened?" He asks as he lets go and looks at my 'handy' work.

"I, uh, I fell while holding scissors." I lie. I can't bring myself to look Finny in the eye.

"You poor thing. Where's Sebastian?" He asks looking around.

"He's, uh, not home." I say, on the verge of having another breakdown.

"Oh, well, we need to get you some help. You're eye looks like it hurts a lot." Finny says as he stands up and grabs my hand. All I can do is nod as my tear ducts refill and spill over. Why is he trying so hard to care for me?

"Can we get it out?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

"What?" Finny looks at me in shock.

"I want my eye gone." I say a little louder.

"Oh, um, okay." He replies sounding a bit unsure, "I think Undertaker may be able to help with that. He is, after all, the one with the most medical experience in this building that is home now." I want to ask why not just go to a doctor, but at the same time, I'm thankful that Finny just thought to go to the closest person and get it done with.


	29. ~*~*~*~

"So that's how?" Dr. Sullivan asks in morbid curiosity as she references the gauze wrapped around my head. I nod, not bothering to answer her with words. I'm starting to feel more self conscious about my condition the deeper I get into this story. Why am I being so honest? My feelings aren't even valid. I'm not valid.

"I'm sorry." Dr. Sullivan quickly averts her gaze. This is growing awkward. "So, um, how did this Undertaker fellow help?"

"Well," I take a deep breath before continuing, "he helped me clean up. He wiped my face off, and neatly severed the optical chords, leaving me with a kind of gaping hole." My hand reaches up to unwrap the gauze. It hadn't been changed in a few days anyway, so it has to come off.

"Oh my..." She gasps. I can tell by the look on her face that she is horrified by what I had done,  "I need to call someone in to help clean you up." She stood up and walked over to the door, where she poked her head out, and called for a medic.

"Can we just get on with the damn story?" I ask impatiently, I deserve what I have, and I don't want some doctor to come help fix it.

"No, not until your injury gets disinfected and dressed."

"Fine." I mumble. There's no point in arguing with a doctor over this.

"You called for a medic?" A man with crazy sideburns says as he comes in.

"Ah, yes, this boy needs attention to his right eye socket, Wolfram." Dr. Sullivan says in a hushed tone.

"You know, I'm right here." I say, a bit annoyed. They both turn to look at me with apologetic smiles. That's a bit unsettling.

"Right, I am aware." She says as she comes over to my side, "Mr. Gelzer here will clean you up and make sure you haven't gotten an infection." The man looks down on me with a sympathetic smile.

"I don't want your fucking sympathy." I mumble. I'm beyond annoyed right now. I just want to get on with this routine.

"Ciel!" Dr. Sullivan calls out in a disciplinary manner. 

"It's fine, Sieglinde." Wolfram, or Mr. Gelzer, says with a smile, "Boys will be boys." He quickly prepares his disinfectant, and I stay still as he applies the cool damp cloth to my face. To be honest, it felt nice having all of the grime cleaned off. Cleanliness hadn't exactly been a priority for me recently.

A few agonizing moments later, Mr. Wolf Man, seeing as how he resembles the creatures, had completed inspecting my eye socket and ruled it as fine. Took him long enough.

"Now, are you ready to continue the story?" Dr. Sullivan asks as she sits back down in her chair.

"Yes, but one question, what did that wolf man call you?" I ask in a slightly condescending tone, "I didn't quite get it, but was it something like seagull-land?"

"You are to call him Mr. Gelzer." She replies sternly, "And he called me Sieglinde. Now don't you worry your little head about our names." 

"I'll worry my little head about what ever I would like." I retort back. I don't really appreciate her dismissal, but I guess I am just a stupid child in her eyes.

"Ciel, I'm afraid that's why you're here." She says apologetically, "Now, let's get on with what actually concerns you." Dr. Sullivan gets her pen and clipboard ready to make more notes on my tragic life.

"Fine, fine." I mutter. I have a feeling that conversation is now shut down entirely. "Well, after Finny had discovered my poor condition, he insisted on checking up on me three times a day. He wasn't fooled by my lies, and he could tell I hadn't been taking care of myself, and that Sebastian's absence was long term."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long hiatus!! The story will be coming to an end soon. I estimate two more parts or four at max. Thank you so much for putting up with my sporadic uploads. ^-^


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains talk of suicide. Please read with caution. Don't let yourself become triggered. Please take care.

“Ciiiieeeeel!” Lizzy’s high pitch squeal echoes throughout the apartment, announcing her presence. “Finny told me that you got really bad hurt, are you alright?” She asks as she enters my room. I lay motionless in my bed curled up in a ball. I don’t bother to answer her. She isn’t stupid, so she will be able to tell that I am not alright in the slightest.

“Lizzy, be quiet! Ciel hasn’t been feeling well!” Finny says just as loudly as Lizzy had been squealing. Ugh, I wish they would both just leave me be, but Finny had insisted on watching over me, and Lizzy was, well, she was Lizzy, and there isn’t anything I can do about that. Especially when I don’t have the energy.

“Can you both please be quiet?” I mumble. Their shouting and squealing is giving me a headache, and I really don’t want to add that to the list of pains. Taking out my eye had not been the best idea I had ever acted on, but what had been done is done. I let out a small groan as I shifted a bit to raise my head.

“Yes, sorry.” Lizzy whispers as she gently places her hand on my forehead, letting out a small gasp as her eyes land on the gaping hole where my right eye should be.

“Ciel, I have your new bandages here.” Finny calls out. He had forgotten to grab the new ones when he took the others off to clean my face and redress my eye in new bandages. After all of this, it would really suck to get an infection.

“What happened?” Lizzy asks, horrified. She can’t seem to take her eyes off me as Finny wraps the fresh bandages. What the hell am I supposed to tell her? I had a lapse of stability and tried to take my eye out? I can’t say that.

“He fell with scissors in his hand, and I think the rest is pretty self-explanatory.” Finny answers for me. I had almost forgotten that that is what I told him when he had first asked.

“It was awful, can we not talk about it.” I added, I really didn’t want my lie to be seen through, and I highly doubt I have the energy to keep up with this façade of a happy little accident.

“Where was Sebastian? Isn’t he your caretaker?” Lizzy asks, she sounds concerned and a bit suspicious about this whole scenario.

“He, uh, he had to go out of town for some personal business. I don’t know when he’ll be back.” I say quietly, not sure if I had already made something up to explain his absence.

“And he left you here alone?” Lizzy sounds a bit shocked.

“I am thirteen, it’s not a big deal.” I mumble. It’s not like I had been left on my own before anyway. I have a lot of experience fending for myself. If I just ignore the fact that last time I was on my own, I ended up living with a pervert who arranged my gang rape, I would say I do fine.

“You’re still just a child.” Finny says as he shakes his head. “You know I’m just across the hall if you need anything. And Mey-Rin and Bard will be glad to help as well.” He smiles and places a hand on my shoulder. I know he is just trying to comfort me, but I don’t want to be touched anymore.

“I don’t want to be touched.” I whisper out, lacking the energy to do much else. I just want to be left alone to finally die like I probably should have before. I don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t want to be taken advantage of anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t want to be.

“I’m sorry.” Finny says as he pulls away. I’m sure he doesn’t know how to handle this situation. Most kids would gladly take any comfort they can get in my situation. But most kids don’t find themselves in my situation. What kid accidentally summons a demon, and then falls in love for the damn thing?

“It’s fine.” I mutter, trying not to push him away entirely. I may end up needing him.

“Well, I have to head home, please call if you need anything. My mom would be more than happy to help.” Lizzy says as she stands up to leave.

“Thank you.” I reply quietly. As irritating as her presence is right now, I know she means well. It’s not her fault I want to be alone right now. “Finny, thank you as well, but could you please leave also?”

“Oh, um, sure. You call if you need anything, okay?” He sounds worried, “I’ll be back around seven with dinner.” Finny reaches over to hug me, but he quickly pulls back as if he remembers what had just happened. He then awkwardly gets up to leave.

I let out a heavy sigh and a few tears spring up with it. I’m alone. I’m free to do or not do whatever until seven. Slowly, I pull back my covers, and get out of bed. I don’t know exactly what is motivating me to do this now, but I don’t want to be here when Finny comes back. I know some would see this as running from my problems, but I see it as no longer fearing death. I already knocked on its door, so what’s the harm in taking that extra step? This way, Sebastian can’t take advantage of me anymore. Alois can’t take advantage of me anymore. No one will be able to take advantage of me.

“Bye-bye.” I say quietly as I walk into the bathroom. I’m going to finish what I started. I turn on the water, and stare at my reflection in the mirror as I wait for the bath to fill. I’m doing myself a favor anyway. I would have a hard life with just one eye.

Once the bath was full, I shut off the water, and stepped in, not bother to take my clothes off. Taking a deep breath, I lay down and completely submerge myself. The water isn’t cold, but it isn’t exactly warm either. It stings my eye, and I can’t bring myself to open my mouth and breath the water in. Why did I think this would be a good idea? Because I tried this same method to test if Sebastian cared for me. Because I want some type of sick conclusion to my pathetic life. My head is starting to throb. Do I regret this? I don’t know. I don’t regret it enough to get up. I want to breath. But I don’t make any effort to get out of the water. After another moment, I can’t stand it anymore. I open my mouth, trying to gasp for air, but I’m still underwater, so the water rushes in, and runs down my throat. Fear. I’m afraid. I don’t know if I want to go through with this anymore. But I’m tired. And I don’t think I have the energy or the will power to get up. The water is weighing me down.


	31. Chapter 31

"And I guess after that, Finny found me, called an ambulance, and I think you know the rest." I say, finishing out the story of how I got here. Dr. Sullivan nodded.

"After that, the hospital contacted me and told me the circumstances, and I came to see what you would need." She writes another thing down on her clipboard, and then sets it down on the floor next to her. I can catch a glimpse of what she wrote, but her handwriting was too messy for me to make out from this distance.

"So, what have you concluded?" I ask, a little curious as to what all she will tell me up front.

"Well, I want you to come in for counseling twice a week, and we will need to inform your closest relative of your circumstances, so you can figure out living arrangements. Eventually, I will want you to tell me more about your friend, Druitt was it? And I will need you to tell me more about Alois and Sebastian." Dr. Sullivan says as she watches me.

"Why? I already told you all about them." I answer. Why does she want me to talk more about them?

"Listen, you didn't say much about Druitt. And they have done serious harm to you, and we need to work through this." Her sentence is ended by a soft beeping, and she reached into her pocket to pull out her phone. "I'm sorry. I've just been informed that someone by the name of Vincent Phantomhive is here to claim you." My eye widens in shock. How? I thought my father had been dead. "Is that a relative of yours?" Dr. Sullivan asks. Probably because of my reaction.

"Y-yes." I respond, completely dumbstruck. My father is here? I could have sworn he was dead. How did he know where to find me?

"Well, I'm glad we got to talk." Dr. Sullivan says with a week smile. "Here, take my card. You'll need my contact information to make an appointment." She pulls out a business card and hands it to me.

"Thank you." I say awkwardly as I stand up. There's a moment of silence before I quickly walk over to the door and head out to find my father. If he's still alive, I'll feel so much better. I can feel the corners of my mouth tug into a smile as I walk up to the front to see him.

"Hello, Ciel." A smooth and familiar voice greets me. My stomach drops and I feel like I'm going to throw up as I look up at my demon. Sebastian smiles down at me and hols his arms open for a hug. With out even thinking, I greet him with a hug. My hear skips a beat as I breath in his intoxicating scent. I am truly stuck in the devil's love curse. And we would go home and play this facade all over again. Each time with more consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I'm done with this story. I apologize if it feels a bit rushed at the end. And I apologize for any inconsistencies through out the story. 
> 
> I may come back after a while, and revise this story. Rewriting what needs to be fixed. But who knows.


End file.
